


Valentine's Day Conspiracy

by Rainstorm67



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A sort of Anti-Valentine's Day fic, Almost a complete text fic, Engaged Royality, Fluff, Human AU, I wrote this in a few hours last night I'm s o r r y, Logan is mentioned and Roman is mentioned, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, No beta we duck out like virgil, Popcorn, Remus and Roman are twins, Remus only shows up via texting, Strong Language, Texting, Virgil gets like two lines, Wine, but like... barely mentioned, fluff no plot, it's mostly Janus hanging with his bro and texting his rat husband, like... a few curses, like... most of the fic is through texting I'm so sorry, married Demus, my first fic with no angst like... at all, patton and janus are brothers, pining analogical, so if you wanted cute fluffy romance this ain't it cheif, tw eating, tw food, valentine's day fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainstorm67/pseuds/Rainstorm67
Summary: The date is February 13th. Janus and Patton have a brotherly bonding day while their respective partners (stupidly) are at work despite the weather.Patton believes in Valentine's Day.Janus does not.They talk about it.--------This is a bad summary, but Remus gets to use the eggplant emoji about three times, so that's fun. Don't read if you're hardcore into V-Day, you'll probably just get upset.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	Valentine's Day Conspiracy

**Author's Note:**

> Pleaseee let me know if I need to tag anything, but I highly doubt it? Anyways, yeah, this is... something, and that's just fine with me :)
> 
> Also this isn't meant to shame anyone who does celebrate Valentine's! I just... never really saw the point besides free candy in school and then Discount Chocolate Day on the 15th- I mainly want to branch out a bit and put more of how my thought processes work into my fics, and hope at least one other person gets it.

“Can’t you just _feel_ the love in the air?” Was sighed directly behind Janus. Patton slowly twirled into the shorter man's view, holding his hands tight to his chest with a dopey grin on his face. He slowed to a stop and shot Janus a nearly blinding smile, “So, you have any plans?”

“What?”

“Do you and Remus have any plans! You know, for tomorrow?” 

Janus slowly closed his book he’d been reading, trying to remember if tomorrow was anything important. His and Remus’ anniversary wasn’t for another few months, right? May first? What day was it, anyways? Janus dug his phone out of his pocket, ignoring Patton’s impatient bouncing, and hit the home button. February thirteenth. Yeah, May was a good couple months away, he was fine. 

“You had me worried I forgot the date, Patton,” Janus sighed, sliding his phone away, “Our anniversary isn’t until May, no need to scare me with thoughts of the _last_ time I forgot… I couldn’t get the glitter out of my hair for a solid three weeks. I think I _still_ have some floating around here and there.”

Patton crossed his arms with a truly childish pout on his face, a mix of an annoyed child and a scolding father. Janus, to this day, has NO idea how he manages to pull that off so well, “I’m not talking about that! Though that is very important, no, I meant _Valentine’s Day!_ ” 

Janus gave Patton a very unimpressed look, eyeing the enthusiastic jazz hands and excited expression with distaste, “Oh, is that tomorrow? Oh dear. I appear to have forgotten. Oh no. Oh, whatever shall I do?” 

He opened his book back up and went back to reading, thoughts of reminding Remus to pick up something for dinner tonight after he got off work starting to swirl around, when Patton interrupted yet again.

“Well, there’s still time to get reservations or something! There might even still be some nice bouquets, or chocolates? You could even rent a nice, romantic movie, since it’s so cold outside! Just cuddle up nice and cozy!” Patton enthused, starting to bounce on his toes again, “Maybe even a snow date!”

“Patton, with all due respect, please shut up,” Janus sighed, giving his brother a tired look, “When have I _ever_ celebrated Valentine’s? Even as a child I didn’t accept the candy our parents got us or the candy I got in classes because no one had a good explanation as to _why_ they were doing it.”

“Well- because it’s Valentine’s!” Patton sputtered, looking quite lost. As if he had forgotten how “odd” his younger brother was, “It’s a day for romance, and chocolate, and love!”

“Okay,” Janus said slowly, putting his book down and propping his elbows onto his knees, “Why? What’s so special about February fourteenth that means every couple ever just _has_ to pay jacked up prices for a nice dinner out, some flowers that will wilt and die within the week, and cheap chocolate in heart shaped containers that only hold about ten pieces when they could easily hold twenty instead?”

Patton sputtered some more, obviously floundering, “Uhm- but- I-”

“Or, better yet, what’s so special about February fourteenth that any single person in the world has to feel bad because they don’t have someone to be with to ‘celebrate’? The whole thing is just a corporate scam to get single people desperate for ‘love’ while couples are fooled into thinking that they aren’t true couples if they don’t spend a lot of money on this one specific day to celebrate a fake holiday. The _real_ holiday is February _fifteenth_ , otherwise known as ‘Discount Chocolate Day’ by me and Remus,”

Patton looked absolutely floored. And then he looked like he was thinking. Janus tried not to feel too smug.

“Hey, you’re right! Roman made reservations at a nice restaurant and their prices are, like, double for tomorrow than they’d be any other day! That’s not right!” Patton quickly yanked out his phone and started dialing, pressing the device up to his ear, “Roman? Cancel those reservations! I know, but you will not _believe_ what Janus just told me!”

Janus watched, grinning, as his older brother walked off to the guest room to rant at his boyfriend of three years and fiancé of six months, fishing out his own phone to shoot a text to Remus.

Me: 

Just converted Patton about DCD

Rat man <3:

Ya ro just ran off on the phone annoyed about cancelling reservations lol

Leaving me with the work tho :P

Me:

Bitch, what work, you two run a tattoo parlor??? And everyone called and cancelled???

Rat man <3:

We were working on super duper secret designs!

Me:

I’m sure you can handle it without him for ten minutes while his mind melts from being told Valentine’s is a lie.

Also please pick up some chicken and a gallon of milk <3 I’m making Swiss Chicken tonight, and SOMEONE drank all the milk this morning…

Rat man <3:

Tasty cow juice

Me: Please don’t

Janus hummed and turned his screen off, letting his phone vibrate two more times before it went quiet, indicating Remus either got busy or got bored waiting for a response. Patton still wasn’t back yet, so Janus just lounged more comfortably on his couch and dove back into his book for the second time since he’d been first interrupted, letting out a content sigh as silence fell around him…

Then his phone buzzed non stop, indicating a phone call. With an annoyed groan, Janus tossed his book onto the coffee table and yanked his phone out. He didn’t even check the Caller ID before answering with a grouchy “What?”

“VALENTINE’S IS A LIE!?” Virgil’s voice screamed through the speaker, causing Janus to pull his phone a good three inches away from his ear, “WHAT THE FUCK- PATTON JUST TEXTED- _LO NOT NOW I’M GOING THROUGH SOMETHING HERE-”_

Janus could just barely hear Logan’s calm voice underneath Virgil’s panicked, loud ramblings about how everything was falling apart around him because of this. Given how Logan is, Janus was fairly sure the man would totally be on Janus’ side with this. For heaven’s sake, the guy didn’t even celebrate Christmas, or Thanksgiving. Just the Solstices, because they “made the most sense”, and Halloween, because he’s a total simp for Virgil. Janus really wasn’t sure how they were _still_ dancing around each other after pining for five years and living together for almost two. 

But, his own brother took forever to get with Roman… and they were only recently engaged, while Janus and Remus had been married for three years now. Janus carefully set his phone down next to him on the cushion, taking a moment to admire the ring on his left hand. A Sterling silver snake coiling around and around, with small black gems for eyes. Simple, quaint almost, and absolutely perfect. Just how Remus’ monster of a ring was perfect for him. Black Zirconium (because Remus was known to break and/or scratch any jewelry on his hands. Or just in general) in the shape of a little octopus, it’s many arms wrapping around his finger like a little hug, with bright green peridots for eyes. Despite the cheap materials, it’d cost a lot for the custom job, not that Janus cared. Remus’ look of pure joy at seeing it had been worth any amount of money.

Virgil was still ranting through the phone speaker, but the distance rendered his voice incomprehensible to Janus, which was just fine with him. Deciding he needed a little help if he was going to deal with all this today, Janus got up to grab himself a glass of wine, leaving his book and phone in the living room. He passed Patton on the way back, giving his older brother a mildly annoyed look, “You just _had_ to tell Virgil, didn’t you? He called about ten minutes ago. I don’t think he’s done ranting.”

“Wh- you left him on the line?!” Patton hurried over to Janus’ phone, which had gone quiet. He picked it up, frowning lightly, “Logan texted. Said he agrees with your premise, but the method of sharing of information should be worked on,”

“So, don’t let older brothers gossip. Got it,” Janus smirked, taking an obnoxiously loud sip of wine, just because he could, “Gets the pressure off them for spontaneously confessing finally, I suppose. Best to let them do it on their own time, right?”

“Wha- confess? What do you mean?” Patton tilted his head, looking like a confused puppy as he handed Janus his phone back.

Janus didn’t bother to answer, just opened his messages again as he walked back to the couch.

Me: 

We’re the only smart people in this godforsaken group, did you know?

Rat man <3:

🍆💦

Me:

Correction: I’M the only smart person.

Rat man <3:

Awwww you know you love me ❤️💛💚💙💜💕💞💓💗💖💘💝

Me:

Unfortunately. You damn himbos.

Rat man <3:

😍😘😗😙😳👅🍆🍌🍑🍑🐍🐙🔥🔥💦💦

Me:

I want a divorce.

Rat man <3:

😣😖😫😲😱😵😨😢💀

  
  


With a heavy sigh and a much too fond eye roll, Janus sent a simple heart emoji back and put his phone down, watching as Patton went over to the TV and started fiddling around. Probably setting up some movie for them to watch until Roman came to pick him up in a few more hours. The bakery Patton ran was shut down due to the snow, and Janus easily faked a stomach bug to avoid having to go into the office where all he’d do was paperwork he could (and had) easily do at home. Computers were wonderful inventions.

But the twins were too dedicated (read: stupid) to let a few inches of snow and ice stop them from going into their tattoo parlor, despite everyone having called to reschedule instead of trying to come in for their appointments. They had integrity, or whatever. So, Janus and Patton got to hang out instead of being alone at their respective homes. 

“Disney?” Patton asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Roman isn’t here,” Janus sighed, “And Pixar, or even DreamWorks, is better. We can’t watch Robots, though, Remus would kill me if I watched that without him.” 

“Rise of the Guardians?” Patton held up the DVD box, shaking it gently with a hopeful look in his eyes.

Janus hummed and carefully stood up, stretching even with the wine in his hand, “Sure, let me get us some popcorn. Want some wine?”

“Just water is fine,” Patton gave Janus a critical look, the ‘you drink a little too often than you should’ look that Janus is all too familiar with, but let it go and got to work setting up the TV to play the movie, “Butter corn?”

“Lightly salted,” The shorter rebuffed, pouring himself more wine before digging out a bowl and a bag of microwave popcorn, “My house, my rules, and we don’t like greasy butter hands on movie night,”

“So you guys don’t like fun,” Patton joked, grabbing the remote and sitting on the other side of the couch, maneuvering to the main menu of the movie and waiting to hit play, “Want me to gather some blankets? It’s a little chilly, and…” Patton broke off to peek out the window, “And it’s snowing again,”

“If you must,” Janus sighed, dramatic, as if he wasn’t going to immediately cocoon himself in a fluffy blanket to ward off the chill. Within ten minutes, the popcorn was done and poured into a bowl, blankets and pillows were strewn about the couch, Patton was gripping a glass of water, while Janus was cradling a fresh glass of wine. The two brothers were snuggled up in their blankets, Patton sacrificing his cocoon of warmth to press ‘play’ on the remote and to snag some popcorn.

As the intro sequence started, Janus felt another buzz from his phone. He grumbled softly as he wiggled around to pull it out, seeing a text from Remus, as usual.

Rat man <3:

Hey

Love u

<3

Save me some cuddles its cold as balls out here

  
  


Me:

I knew you only loved me for my low amount of body heat.

And to think, I was going to offer to watch the Bee Movie tonight.

Rat man <3:

Hol up

Really???? :0 you HATE that movie

Me: Yes. But I love you. And you love that atrocious movie. Plus, Patton’s letting us watch Rise of the Guardians right now.

Rat man <3:

Omfg

Shit, babe, watch that. You love that movie. Get off your phone you wannabe millennial

Me:

I can’t, my needy husband keeps texting me.

Janus waited a solid five minutes before putting his phone back and taking a sip of his wine, focusing back on the movie. If Patton was curious about why Janus was fighting a smile, he didn’t ask. For now, they relaxed and watched a lovely movie, enjoying the quiet relaxation before their respective partners got back, and disrupted everything with their mere presence. 


End file.
